You’re Just Not Feeling It – Now What?
The world is full of songs (some good, some bad) about breaking off relationships for all kinds of reasons. If only it were as easy as some of them make it out to be! The reality is that you’re probably going to go through several different potential partners before finding that really special one, so sooner or later you’re going to have to face up to it.
You’re just not feeling it with a particular person and you want to break it off – now what?
Breaking up is hard to do (my apologies to Neil Sedaka) but it’s not impossible to do if you go about it the right way. While there’s no single “best” way to end it and move on, there are some general things to keep in mind:
Be honest. This is really, really, really hard to do. It’s tough to honestly tell someone you’re not interested in seeing them anymore, so it’s tempting to make something up. Don’t give in to this temptation because it’s only going to end up badly. It’s far better to open a conversation, share your honest feelings, and exit the situation gracefully.
Do it in person. Sometimes this isn’t possible, but if you can do it in person that’s the best choice. This doesn’t mean spending a long evening together and then springing it on the other person at the end, but it does mean having the courage to say what you need to say to his or her face.
Never burn a bridge. Old advice for sure, but still valid in today’s world. Never end a relationship by saying or doing mean things to the other person, even if it’s really, really tempting to do so. It’s a small dating world out there, and if you treat someone badly during a break up I can almost guarantee it will come back to haunt you at some point.
#3 is even more important as the social networks are moving to connect everyone even further. You don’t want an ex giving you a bad recommendation on some future job because you dumped them over the phone or were mean about it.