Dating and Relationship Advice

How to Avoid Body Language Blunders on First Dates

body language dos dontsInappropriate Body Language

We all know that body language can be extremely powerful and subtle form of non-verbal communication. Yet if you use it inappropriately you can easily send out the wrong message.

Nowhere is this more awkward than when we are getting to know a new romantic partner. Body language “faux pas” can stop budding relationships in their tracks.

Body language is a vital skill that we have evolved over millennia. Not only do we have this extraordinary ability within us, we are also exceptionally skilled at reading other people’s body language too. It is vital in helping us judge their real motivations, and whether they like us or don’t like us.

When we are genuinely flirting with someone we like, our body language is working overtime below our level of consciousness. You have probably noticed this when you date someone you really like. We use body language most successfully in this way. That is, when we are not thinking about it or trying to control it.

Those who study body language, often try to use it to their advantage. There is nothing wrong with this. Yet body language is a powerful communicator, and using it wrongly can make you appear over sexual or even a bit desperate.

Stick to these Simple Rules

To stay safe and avoid embarrassing gaffes there are a few rules that “students of this art” should always follow.

1) Go easy on clichéd and exaggerated moves. Flicking your hair or biting your lips both are common examples. Unless your date has been in a cave for the last 25 years, they will have picked-up at least something about body language. If you come across as a “faking it”, they may think you are just playing games or even mocking them.

2) Use slow and poised movements. If you move your body too quickly or too jerkily, it can make you look nervous and lacking in confidence. Body language only works when it seems fluid, natural and uncalculated.

3) Try to maintain good body posture. Part of strong and successful use of body language means portraying an image of self-confidence and sex appeal. Slouching, hunching-over or shuffling in your chair can seem at odds with overtly flirtatious body language. Your date’s subconscious will alert them that something is wrong.

4) Maintain eye contact. For flirtatious body language to be successful, it has to focus on your subject and keep them center stage at all times. Gazing around the room or checking your phone every few minutes will send out the wrong message. Your date will, quite rightly, pick up that your attention is focused elsewhere and not on them.

5) Avoid mixed messages. Many who try to “control” their own body language often fail because their verbal communication is at odds with their body language. Your date may not pick up this consciously but they will be left with an uneasy feeling that something just wasn’t right about you. Your words, facial expressions, and tone of voice all need to tie-in with your body language. If you’re not getting second dates, this could be the problem.

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