Dating and Relationship Advice

Be Yourself or Put on an Act

Boy, girl, flirtingThere are a lot of books and CDs out there claiming to have the winning tactics you need to know in order to seduce the opposite sex. Browsing through one of these, Double Your Dating, which offers advice on how to pick-up women, my initial reaction was that being yourself rather than learning tactics to put on an “act” is usually better. But it depends on what your goal is (e.g. one-night stand or long-term relationship).

I decided to ask around, to both girls and guys, to get some opinions on presenting yourself to the opposite sex. I asked: “Should you be yourself or put on an act?” Here’s what the ladies had to say:

Alena (30), Interior Designer
We all sometimes feel shy about who we are and whether or not guys will like us for ourselves. But I think if you just put on an act for them, then you’re not going to get a guy who is interested in the real you. And as soon as they figure out that you’re not actually the person you presented yourself to be, they may loose interest. Why not just be yourself from the start? It’s much easier.

Marie (28), Receptionist.
Always be yourself. If guys are just trying to pick you up quickly (like in a club or something) then they don’t care who you are anyways. They have a different agenda. But others you meet (guys at work or friends of friends) who are interested in dating you are going to be interested in who you are, not who you act like you are.

And here’s what the guys thought:

Cameron (35), Consultant
Women are always looking for something specific. They like to hear that you match whatever that is. When I’m out, I try to give them what they want to hear. A lot of times their expectations are very high, so you have to act a little to get them to notice you.

Joseph (29), Store Manager
When I was younger and trying to get the ladies interested I put on an act for them much more than I do now. These days, I think I’m just tired of it. It takes too much effort. So now I’m just myself. And my success seems to be about the same as it was before.

Tim (32), Health Trainer
I wouldn’t say that I put on an act with women. But I definitely use a system that works pretty well. My job gives me a lot of contact with women and I’ve found that I can use some of that to my advantage. What I try to do is to become friends with as many of the women I meet as possible.

Preferably single ones but even those with boyfriends are alright too. I try to focus on something that makes them seem really cool, so that they see, that I think, they’re somehow special. Also, I try not to give off any sexual feelings whatsoever. Doing this, I start to build a pool of female friends.

When you’ve got like 30-50 girls who feel like you’re their friend, you start upping the chances that on any given night one of them will be lonely or horny or whatever. Because they feel comfortable with you, they call you… and in my experience, that has paid off with a lot of friends with special privileges’-type relationships. But you do have to keep adding new females to your friend-pool to replace the ones you usually loose after hooking-up for awhile.

This way, I don’t have to go into bars and chase females around. They come to me. All I really have to do is be confident. This works with women… they love confidence. Yeah, of course they want rich and powerful guys… but frankly most of them aren’t going to get that.

So, something else they like is guys who’re strong. I always hear from them that they don’t like men who are cocky or too aggressive. But they do always seem to respond to confidence.

Books and CDs trying to convince you to put on a good “act”; to attract others may or may not be a bunch of hype. What is clear is that everyone has theories and strategies that work for them.

If you’re trying to pick up lots of women or men, then going the “act” route might get them to pay attention to you more quickly. But if you’re seeking a longer-term relationship, then you’d better be honest from the start. Otherwise, your dishonest “act” might come back to get you later on.

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