Dating and Relationship Advice

Does Your Beauty or Success Intimidate Men?

She’s the envy of all her gal pals with her flawless skin, her brilliant baby blues, and her glimmering, healthy hair. So why doesn’t she have a boyfriend? Why isn’t she inundated with date requests? Come to think of it, the same thing happens to women who are financially successful. Maybe it’s happening to you.

Well-meaning friends say, “Well, you know, men are intimidated by some things. They feel emasculated if they get rejected or don’t earn as much as their woman. That’s why they stay away.” Guess what, ladies? These inaccurate beliefs might massage your ego, but they won’t do a thing for your dating life.

The type of women men will date

The truth is men date women who are approachable, likeable, and available. If you’re all of those, plus stunning and rich, you’ll have plenty of dates – and you’ll attract men who are also attractive and wealthy.

There’s no doubt that a man may feel anxious about the possibility of rejection. Most men have been swatted down by a target of their affection, and that experience felt like failure. They don’t want to fail again, but men are raised to be pragmatic and logical. They know that without risk, they will continue to fail, so they find ways to tweak their approach and improve their chances. (There is an exception to this rule: Men with chronic shortcomings are so accustomed to failure that they no longer avoid it and appear immune to it. It looks like confidence, but their bold behavior is merely a disguise that masks their flaws. They’ll approach anyone, anytime, but they’re not the kind of guys you’d want to know.)

His first thought may involve nudity

Fast forward: Mr. Masculine glimpses Lady McWow from across the room. He notices that she has captured the attention of every other male in the vicinity, and most of the women, too. If he’s a typical guy, and he is, his first thought may involve nudity, but his mind quickly shifts gears. He calculates his odds of scoring a date with her based on environmental clues and her body language.

Ah, there! Did you see it? She smiled at him, and then glanced away. If she doesn’t look his way again, he’ll conclude that she’s not interested. But if her eyes scan the room and stop on him for an extra moment, he determines that she may find him worthy of her attention. If she adds a smile, that’s even better. This not only signals availability, it signals likeability.

Is she approachable?

He starts evaluating ways he can approach her. She is surrounded by friends, which immediately raises the risk factor by about 4.2 zillion. If he has miscalculated, he won’t be able to lick his wounds in private, but will instead be the wounded gazelle in a field full of lions. It’s not a matter of being intimidated; rather, it’s a matter of not taking foolish risks without a very high likelihood of success.

Lady McWow will have to pass within four feet of his table if she uses the restroom, though. You can bet he’s preparing a smile and a clever quip or introduction just in case he has a moment to capture her undivided attention.

Both beauty and success have the potential to intimidate a man, but a man who believes he will be successful at reaching his goal is not going to shy away from taking action. In fact, that’s worth repeating: A man who believes he will reach his goal will take action even if risk exists.

The bottom line

If you earn more, but genuinely admire his career performance, he will feel good about his earnings. If you are stunning but only have eyes for him, he’ll feel worthy. If he expects you to be critical about him, he’ll do the smart thing and steer clear of you – and the failure you could bring to his life.

The bottom line is: Be likeable, easy to approach, and available if you want to have all the date requests you can handle.

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