The truth is, you don’t want a woman who has to play hard to get – you want the one who is hard to get. (Well, not hard for you to get, but impossible for those other guys!) You’re looking for the one who offers what all men want – a vixen in the bedroom, and who is fun and worthwhile elsewhere.
Pay attention to the differences between these critical signals when you’re getting to know the fortunate femme who caught your eye.
CATCHABLE: A woman who has her own interests is good.
SKIPPER: A woman who relies on you to make her feel good about herself.
When she says she can’t see you this weekend, but offers an alternative day, she’s showing you that she is interested in you. She’s also showing you that she can keep her word to people, even if that means keeping her promise to herself to get her homework done. A busy woman might be legitimately hard to get, but worth the extra effort.
On the other hand, a woman who declines your invitation and is unwilling to commit to an alternate plan is either not that interested or she’s playing mind games. Either way, you lose. Set your scope on someone who deserves your attention.
CATCHABLE: A woman who refuses to date you while working things out with him.
SKIPPER: A woman who agrees to date you while she’s still seeing another guy.
Any woman who keeps her eye out for the next best thing that comes along isn’t worth a second glance. Does this need any further explanation? Don’t fall for her sad story. Even though you dream of being the prince that saves her from that mean ol’ dragon, once she’s in your arms, you’ll become the next fire-breathing menace in her life. She’s not mature enough to handle relationships on her own, and that includes the one you get into with her.
If she lets you know she is interested but wants to take care of unfinished business with a soon-to-be ex, ask her how long it will require. If her answer is “I don’t know,” or she expects it to take more than two weeks, step aside and date women who are available to be with you, because this one’s not ready to give up her baggage.
She needs to end that relationship and take time to heal from it before jumping into a new one. A sound rule of thumb is to wait until she’s been single a week for each month they were together. If she was with him more than two or three years, give it at least six months.
CATCHABLE: A woman who says she’s interested, and shows it.
SKIPPER: A woman who claims she’s interested, but doesn’t always act like it.
If she flirts with other guys when you’re not around (or even when you are) after you’ve let her know it bothers you, either she’s not that interested or you are too sensitive. If she’s into you, she’ll stop if she really has been crossing a line. If she claims you’re being too possessive, she might be right, but she’s not right for you. Set her free to find someone who gets turned on by such behavior and find someone who shows that she can appreciate your values.
Flirting isn’t the only way a woman can act disinterested. Some women are coached to believe that if they are unavailable to you, it will pique your interest. It’s true that too much togetherness can breed boredom, so don’t panic if your sweetheart decides to go out with other friends instead of seeing you this weekend. Conversely, if you discover that she’s unavailable too often, ignoring your calls and texts, spending time with an ex, or doing things that violate your principles, be open about your expectations.
Recognize if her reaction is anything short of respectful disagreement. She doesn’t have to have your values, but she does have to care about them, doesn’t she?
If she is inconsiderate in any way, carefully consider her response. An interested woman will take your concerns seriously. A manipulative one will become defensive. If her response is to find something to blame you for, or to deny your perceptions, it’s a subtle indicator that she doesn’t see you as her equal.
Instead, she thinks her own values and interests are more important than yours. It might not seem like a big deal right now, but after months or years of this attitude coming at you, it will blossom into a major power struggle over minor issues – one that is unlikely to ever get resolved.
A woman who is attracted and interested won’t give you mixed signals. If you’re confused by your current girlfriend’s behavior, these three principles will help you get things back on track or let you get off that train. You won’t be that sad sucker who elicits pity from his friends. Instead, you’ll have the confidence that comes with knowing that you won’t get taken for a ride.
By Kathy Batesel