When approaching someone who you’ve plucked up the courage to ask out on a date, you’re immediately presented with two choices. You can adopt a persona that (you think) will appear confident, charming, and witty, and hopefully impress the person. Or, you can accept whatever you may be feeling in the moment (including fear) and let her or him see you as you are. Being vulnerable when asking someone out isn’t necessarily the opposite of being confident. It just means being present and open – and not putting on any airs. Vulnerability can be disarming. It gives other people permission to let their guard down, too.

To be vulnerable means to trust in your instincts, in your natural self, more than any wit and charm that you might possess. What’s the point of assuming a false mask in an attempt to attract someone, anyway? If that first date leads to more, then eventually the person in question is going to get a feel for who you are, regardless. It’s far easier to be real up-front, and risk being rejected for who we are, than it is to try and disentangle, down the road, any false impressions that we’ve made. For that early “getting acquainted” period of time, an unassuming manner may leave the object of your interest with the best possible impression of you.

In any moment of honesty, there is risk. And approaching someone, who you don’t know real well, about the possibility of a date, is usually risky. If it isn’t, then it probably isn’t worth doing anyway, because the lack of fear on your part is a good indication that you don’t care much one way or another. Feeling vulnerable with the person you’re approaching just says that your interest is real.

Getting past your fear isn’t really the objective, then. The most genuine way to proceed is to feel your fear – but don’t let it stop you in your tracks. Besides, there can be something pleasurable about that fear. It gets your blood moving, and ushers a tingle of excitement into the air. Approaching the object of your interest with a little quaver in your voice will allow her or him to see that you’re really sincere.

The gift of vulnerability is that it allows us to show other people how we really are, without pretension. It doesn’t guarantee that we’ll win whomever we may be pursuing. But it will enable us to come across as real, as possessing integrity. Without that, we may end up resorting to boasts, canned lines, an excess of flattery, and other conversational faux pas that are bound to make us look like we’re full of hot air.

  taraSelf ConfidenceBe Yourself,Pick Up Lines,Self ConfidenceWhen approaching someone who you've plucked up the courage to ask out on a date, you're immediately presented with two choices. You can adopt a persona that (you think) will appear confident, charming, and witty, and hopefully impress the person. Or, you can accept whatever you may be feeling...Advice and Tips for Online Dating