They can’t stand you going out for a night with your friends. You’ve caught them reading your text messages and emails. Your relationship seems to swing back and forth between periods of extreme closeness and emotional distance. You could be seeing signs that you are involved with a possessive partner.

Of course, there are many varying degrees of possessiveness. It could be the nagging feeling of jealousy that is easily ignored, or something far more sinister. Being in a relationship with a possessive person can be hard work. It’s a stressful situation for you both. Possessiveness has been the end of many otherwise good relationships.

What are the Signs?

There are many signs that your relationship with your partner has become possessive. They include:

  • You feel there is a breakdown of communication, and you don’t feel comfortable discussing certain topics.
  • Your partner criticizes you and does not support your decisions.
  • Your partner discourages you from spending time with people outside of the relationship.
  • You no longer feel free to express yourself.
  • You feel like you are losing touch with your own identity.
  • You may feel like you are very close at one time, then suddenly feel distant.
  • You have fights which come out of nowhere.
  • You feel trapped in the relationship.

The Green-Eyed Monster

Jealousy adds fuel to the fire of a possessive relationship, and unfortunately, the two often go hand in hand. While some jealousy in relationships is created by genuine concern, having a poor sense of self-esteem can also inflame these feelings.

When Jealousy Becomes Emotional Abuse

We all get a little bit jealous sometimes. Practically every person in a relationship has at some stage second guessed their partner’s movements. There is a big leap from suspicious minds to a possessive relationship.

The difference between the two is in the effects of your partner’s actions. Are they causing you undue stress, worry, and anxiety? Are you thinking twice before speaking your mind? Do you have to constantly reorganize your plans, or not take part in activities you might like to? If so then you may be in a possessive relationship.

Signs that your partner is possessive can signal the initial stages of emotional abuse. In these kinds of relationships, one partner will seek to control the other by isolating them from their friends and family. In a way, they also isolate them from their own identity, by belittling their self-esteem and destroying any sense of value they have about themselves. If you feel that your relationship has become abusive, then it’s time to speak to a counselor, or seek out some help.

How Can You Move Past This?

The best way to overcome a possessive partner is to speak about it openly. This may sound like a difficult thing to do. It may help to prepare yourself by making notes of what you would like to bring up. Having a third person present, such as a counselor, can also be of help.

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