Should you take a man back if he cheats on you? The correct answer is, “It depends”. Although this is a very painful and humiliating situation for any woman, the same answer does not apply to everyone.

Most women are devastated to discover that the lover or husband they thought they could trust has been cheating on them. They wonder if they should take him back or end the relationship. There are no easy answers that work in every situation, but with commitment and communication, these relationships can sometimes recover.

How much have you committed to the relationship?

Obviously, if you have been dating for a few months and you discover that your guy has been seeing someone else, it is not quite the same as if you have been married for ten years and you find out that he has another girlfriend on the side.

If you have only started dating recently, chances are that he might not consider the two of you to be an exclusive couple, unless you have already discussed the matter and both of you agree that you are. If you have simply been dating, the fact that he is seeing other women may simply mean he is still testing the field and you are just a part of a very large club.

Even though it’s painful to have your boyfriend cheat on you while you are dating, the situation becomes infinitely more complicated if a man cheats once you are married or living together, especially if you have children.

Is he a player by nature?

If the two of you have declared to each other that you are an exclusive couple and he cheats, it means one of two things: either he is trying to break up with you and this is the only way he knows how to do it, or he is a player and you will never be able to trust him. In either case, whether you react by forgiving him or by breaking up, the relationship is probably never going to work.

Even though it’s painful to have your boyfriend cheat on you while you are dating, the situation becomes infinitely more complicated if a man cheats once you are married or living together, especially if you have children.

Ask yourself honestly why he’s cheated

Married men cheat for a variety of reasons and very rarely is it because the wife at home isn’t beautiful enough or sexy enough. In many cases, it’s just the daily routine of marriage that makes some men seek out adventure. Not only that, there’s a growing number of websites devoted to people seeking extra-marital affairs. That makes turning his desires into reality far easier than in days gone by.

Sometimes men need the ego boost or hormone rush that comes from having a new girlfriend. Sometimes an extra-marital affair is a one-time thing that is instantly regretted, but for some men, it’s a way of life.  Most men who get caught in an affair will tell you that it was a one-time thing, and that they want to stay in the marriage. However, sometimes the man wants to get caught as a way of ending the marriage.

Unfortunately, the man may not be clear on what his motivations were. He may not know himself whether he really wants to stay in the marriage or leave. He may not know whether he will ever cheat again. This makes the decisions even more difficult for the wife.

When kids are involved

If you have children with this guy, especially if they are very young, there are no easy answers in this situation. Even though your heart has been ripped out of your chest and you feel humiliated, enraged, and heart-broken, you still have to keep functioning for the sake of the children who need you.

There are some couples that do survive an affair and come out stronger on the other side. Nobody really keeps statistics on these sorts of things, so no one can tell you how often that happens. A lot of couples try counselling and sometimes that helps. Communication and trust have to be restored to the marriage, and making the marriage work has to be the top priority for both people. It’s not easy, and it doesn’t always work, even when both people have good intentions. In order for a relationship to survive and flourish after one of the partners has cheated, both people in the couple need to make commitment and honesty the keystone of their relationship together.

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