A little bit of jealousy is a normal and healthy emotion that we all feel from time to time. But when we let it get out of control it becomes toxic and can eat away at our self-worth and destroy relationships.

The beginnings of jealousy

Jealousy occurs when you want someone to make you feel secure and safe, but he or she can’t fulfill your requirements. Jealous behavior can show itself as possessiveness, suspicion, obsessiveness and even physical and psychological abuse.

You might imagine changing your partner’s behavior would help you feel better.

The truth is, though, no one can give you what you need; you have to look within rather than focusing on your relationship. Even if your partner did everything possible to try and make you less jealous, nothing would change.

Explore your feelings

Wait until you are in a positive frame of mind to carry out this exercise and gain the clarity you need.

Go somewhere peaceful and take a few deep breaths. Think about what it’s like to feel jealous. Although, don’t focus on an issue that makes you feel bad. Just examine the emotion itself, and come up with a few different emotions you associate with jealousy. No doubt, words like insecurity and fear of rejection might come to mind.

People who fear rejection also lack self-esteem; they feel as though they are not enough. Psychotherapist Marisa Peer gives good advice about how to improve such feelings, suggesting you often repeat the words “I am enough” and write them somewhere prominent in your home.

You might imagine changing your partner’s behavior would help you feel better.

You can also use the wise advice of author and well-being expert Louise Hay who recommends mirror work. Several times a day, look in the mirror and say aloud, “I am enough.” Also, repeat the phrase silently whenever you feel jealous. Reminding yourself you are enough, and recognizing you are slipping into negativity, will help you change your thoughts and feelings.

People who fear rejection also lack self-esteem; they feel as though they are not enough.

Digging deeper

Again, in a peaceful setting, take a few deep breaths. Think about the feeling of insecurity. Ask your mind to show you the first time you felt insecure during childhood. Accept what your mind presents without trying to control what you see.

The time you recall might be when you became stuck. Painful emotions stay with people until they are healed with understanding. Knowing this, go back to the memory with the knowledge you have as an adult. You are wiser and more experienced now. What new insights do you have about what happened, bearing in mind what you know today but didn’t know then?

Let your current self enter your memory and soothe your younger self. Offer wise advice, love, and reassurance that everything will turn out to be alright. Tell your child self it is okay to let go of fear and that you are taking care of the situation. Allow feelings of compassion to flow as you hug the younger version of you, saying “you have always been enough.” Repeat the exercise when you want until jealousy is no longer an issue.

Jealousy stems from feelings of insecurity and fear of rejection.

Negative emotions

Jealousy stems from feelings of insecurity and fear of rejection. You bring negative emotions from the past into this moment. As a child, you didn’t have the understanding you have now to apply to what happened, but you can take your mature self back and release fear.

You can also heal by reminding yourself you are enough when you look in the mirror.

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