Learning that your partner has been unfaithful is a devastating experience. This is made even harder if you’ve learned of the infidelity on your own or from a third-party source.

In addition to coping with the heartbreak, you’ll also have to plan to confront your spouse about what you know. Here are seven tips for effectively confronting an unfaithful partner.

Bring the Evidence

If you’re ready to confront your partner, chances are you have some hard evidence of their infidelity, like text messages or emails. Print copies of the evidence you have and bring it to your meeting. That way, there is no chance that your partner can deny the claims and continue playing games with you.

Don’t Be Impaired

Confronting a cheating partner can be scary, and it may be tempting to ease your nerves by having a drink or two. However, being impaired during a confrontation is a bad idea. Your emotions already will be running high, so don’t impair your judgement further by using drugs or alcohol.

Staying sober will help to keep you in control of the situation.

Keep It Private

Your anger may cause you to want to make a big scene at your confrontation. However, it is better to keep the matter private, involving just you and your partner. There will likely be harsh words traded between the two of you, so if you prematurely involve your friends, family, or your children, you may regret it later. Don’t let your hurt feelings cause you to be petty. Be the bigger person.

Let Them Explain

It is extremely difficult to reconcile a relationship with an unfaithful partner, but it is possible. If your relationship is long term, it may be worth allowing your partner a chance to explain their actions. If they are truly repentant and are willing to cut all contact with the “other person,” there is a chance the relationship can survive.

Be Prepared for Blame-Shifting

A common response to being caught in a lie is to find someone else to blame. Unfaithful spouses will often try to justify their actions by saying they felt “lonely” or “unsatisfied,” thereby shifting some of the blame onto you. Be prepared for these types of excuses and do not accept any of the blame for their poor decisions.

Unfaithful spouses will often try to justify their actions by saying they felt “lonely” or “unsatisfied.

Write It Out

If you are worried about getting too emotional during the confrontation, it may help to write out what you’d like to say. Writing it out allows you to gather and organize your thoughts ahead of time. You can then use your notes as a point of reference during the confrontation, or give the letter directly to your spouse for them to read.

Prepare Self-Care

Coping with the dual betrayals of your spouse’s cheating and lying will be emotionally devastating. Before you confront your partner, make provisions to ensure your mental health will be taken care of afterwards. Prepare to spend your night doing something relaxing like watching a favorite show, taking a long bath, going for a run, or anything that helps you to mentally recharge.

Before you confront your partner, make provisions to ensure your mental health will be taken care of afterwards.

When a spouse is unfaithful, it forever alters the dynamic of your relationship. The emotional turmoil you will feel upon discovery can make speaking to your spouse difficult. By using these seven tips, you’ll be able effectively confront your partner about their infidelity and put an end to the secrets and lies.

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