Six Warning Signs That You Have Fallen Out of Love
When you have been in a relationship for years or for decades, facing up to the fact that you have fallen out of love can be acutely painful. It is frightening to consider the many ways in which things will change if you end the relationship, and you may also feel deeply guilty if your partner hasn’t done anything that is deserving of diminished feelings of love.
However, it is important to be honest with yourself about whether you are truly happy in your current relationship.
Pretending to have the right feelings will only prolong your dissatisfaction, and it is also cruel to allow your partner to carry on as though nothing is wrong. Read on to discover the most common thoughts and feelings that accompany falling out of love, and learn what you might still be able to do to save the relationship.
1) You’re in the relationship for something other than love
No matter how many perks being with your partner happens to provide, the main reason you want to stay with them should simply be love. If love is not the main reason but rather security, companionship or fear of the unknown, you may no longer be in love.
A lot of couples stay together because they believe that they won’t be able to find anyone else who is as objectively well suited to them. However, without true feelings of love this is a poor reason to stay with your partner.
2) You feel as though you no longer respect your partner
A huge part of loving someone is respecting them. You do not need to adore each and every little quirk that the person exhibits, but you should feel an enduring and sincere sense of admiration for their core character traits. You should be especially concerned that you might have fallen out of love if things that used to make you feel impressed and awed no longer have any substantial impact on you.
If you find yourself indifferent to your partner’s skills, achievements and sense of humor, it is highly likely that your feelings have changed for the worse.
3) You no longer even care about flaws in the relationship
If you still feel angry and upset when differences between you and your partner come to light, this is actually a good sign. It means that you still have some sort of passion for the relationship, and if you work hard then you can turn this energy towards improving things between you.
If you feel indifferent to your partner, however, this is a much more obvious sign that you might have fallen out of love. If you have stopped caring whether things are good between the two of you and have stop putting any effort into resolving problems, ask yourself if this might be because you no longer sincerely want to be in the relationship.
4) You have a nagging sense that something is wrong
When you are falling out of love, you will often feel a strange feeling that something just isn’t right.
You will sometimes allow yourself to wonder whether you really do still love your partner, but you may be prone to trying to rationalize these doubts.
You might tell yourself that you are just missing the early days of heady infatuation, and that once you get used to ‘mature love’ you will be just as happy as you used to be.
In some cases, this really will be what is going on. However, if something about this rationalization makes you feel uneasy and deeply sad, this is a sign that you have already lost some of your core feelings of love for your partner.
5) You no longer feel physically attracted to your partner
Although it is normal for your sex drive to wane slightly after the first year or so of sleeping with a partner, if you are still in love then you should still find your other half attractive and should enjoy physical intimacy with them.
If the thought of having sex leaves you feeling indifferent or even turned off, this is a significant sign that you may have fallen out of love.
6) You feel significantly attracted to other people
While it is arguably the norm to continue noticing the attractiveness of other people even when you are in a committed and loving relationship, these brief feelings of attraction should be fleeting and rather unimportant to you.
If you start having intense feelings for someone else or find that you sexually desire that person more than your partner, this is a sign that you are no longer fulfilled by your primary relationship.
Rather, whether consciously or not, you are looking around for a new people to arouse the passion that you now lack for your real partner.
If the above signs are familiar to you, it is a good idea to take seriously the possibility that you may have fallen out of love. While you might be able to masquerade as a genuine lover for a fairly long period of time, this is unfair to your partner and to yourself. You will be unhappy, and you will be wasting your partner’s time. If you think you may just be in the process of falling out love, however, there is still hope.
If you still think the relationship has real merit and that you might be able to recover some of your old feelings, consider attending relationship counseling with your partner. This will help you to get to the root of why your love has dwindled.
While this will be painful and difficult process for both parties, it could help you become closer and recover your old spark. Alternatively, it might make it clear to both of you that splitting up is the best option, and coming to his realization through therapy makes it more likely that a breakup will be amicable as opposed to heartbreaking.