Rejected by the In Laws
It’s always a nerve-racking moment when you realize that you must meet the parents of your girlfriend or boyfriend. No matter how hard you may try to please them, sometimes they are just plain determined not to like you. What’s worse? You marry your partner becoming the spouse, and your new in-laws hate you even more!
Given such circumstances, it’s only natural that you may be dreading the holiday season coming upon us. But you’re probably going to have to spend some time with your in-laws. So you’d better get ready.
Cruel or insulting remarks
With all of the trouble you go to trying to impress your in-laws, it may be very surprising to hear them say something nasty to you. When it happens, what do you do? Do you confront them about it? Say something to your spouse? Or just ignore it?
Well, ignoring it can bring in new problems. When we don’t express our emotions, they can bottle-up and blow-over when we least expect them to. Confrontation is also difficult because we don’t want to risk the in-laws hating us even more.
But something has to be done. So, why not probe your in-law a bit on why s/he has made the insulting comment. Obviously, you have to be very careful doing this. But, in doing it, you at least stake-out your ground so that they understand they can’t freely walk-all-over-you. Be sure you inquire with empathy and intent to understand their position. Don’t approach them as someone who is under attack and looking to make counter-accusations.
Perhaps comments made by in-laws can seem especially cruel or insulting precisely because we want their approval. But once you have made your inquiry you have to let it go. Don’t let it get to you.
It takes a lot of work to not let insults affect you. But if you can learn to master the art of being ‘untouched’ by negativity then you’ll find out just how easy it is to dismiss any rude comments you get.
Actually, the more you learn to let go the more you may even start to feel sorry for your mother/father-in-law. You’ll start to see that the problem is not that you’re lacking in your character and abilities, but rather an issue of their unhappiness and negativity.
It’s easy for in-laws to get on your nerves when their ‘advice’ on your parental skills becomes overbearing. After all, they’re your children, not theirs.
As difficult as it may seem practice humoring your in-laws. Try to find what is valuable in their suggestions and go with that. Fighting them won’t help. Put on your diplomatic-skills-hat and find a way to appease them without compromising your own values and ideas.
They’re trying to get you divorced
Some in-laws may very well be planting seeds of doubt in the mind of your spouse. They insinuate you have been unfaithful. Or they try to convince their son/daughter that you’re an unfit partner (behind your back!).
This is an extremely tricky one. Children are loyal to their parents, but at the same time they chose you! If you know that your in-law has been trying to talk your spouse into divorce, then you need to have a serious talk with your partner.
Put any untruths that might have been told to rest. And express sincere sorrow to your partner about their parent(s) being unhappy with you. It’s important that you don’t take offense and jump to accusations about your in-laws. This only puts your spouse in a worse position (i.e. having to choose between you and them). If possible, try to work through the problem together.
No matter what types of problems you face with your in-laws, keep in mind that they are an important part of your spouse’s life. And for them, you are the person who has ‘taken their baby away’.
Use empathy and diplomacy in your dealings with them rather than taking immediate offense to their interjections. That way, you’ll be in a much better position to deflect the problems that are bound to arise when dealing with them.http://blog.datingwise.com/1670/rejected-by-inlaws/RelationshipsFamily,Inlaws,RejectionIt's always a nerve-racking moment when you realize that you must meet the parents of your girlfriend or boyfriend. No matter how hard you may try to please them, sometimes they are just plain determined not to like you. What's worse? You marry your partner becoming the spouse, and...taraTara Milleradmin@datingwise.comAdministratorDating and Relationship Advice